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Historic Harsimus and Jersey City Cemetery

A Time to Mourn: Grieving Differently During the Pandemic

April 28, 2020/in header, Latest News, News /by Jersey City Times Staff

Funeral traditions have necessarily changed, making the grieving process more complex for families and the work of funeral directors more challenging

This story was written and produced by NJ Spotlight. It is being republished under a special NJ News Commons content-sharing agreement related to COVID-19 coverage. To read more, visit njspotlight.com.

Full story link – HERE.

By Sheila Noonan

The COVID-19 quarantine has not only changed the way New Jerseyans live. It has significantly altered how our society has memorialized the deceased since the late 1800s, when, for a variety of reasons, customary home-based funerals gave way to services managed by undertakers. Under Gov. Phil Murphy’s March 21 executive order, public gatherings are limited to 10 people, including viewings, wakes, funeral services, celebrations of life and repasts. Other family members and friends watch from their homes through video livestreams.

“Many funeral directors enter the profession because we’re caring people who want to serve the community at the time of death,” said George R. Kelder Jr., CEO and executive director of the New Jersey State Funeral Directors Association, which represents 600 funeral businesses and 1,000 funeral directors in the state. “Now, instead of face-to-face conversations with families, arrangements are often being made by telephone, Skype or text — more transactional discussions than the comforting ones we want to provide. It’s outside the norm of how we typically operate.”

Kelder empathizes with the difficulty families have when choosing who attends a service and who stays home. “We’re noticing more cooperation with the numerical limitations, but families are forced to make very emotional mathematical decisions,” he said.

The changes to funeral services, the steep uptick in number of services and what Kelder said are dwindling supplies of personal protective equipment for funeral directors are taking their toll. Typically, he said, there are about 6,100 funeral services a month in the state; with COVID-19, in the first 30 days, there have been about 4,500 more. And even with crematories operating 24/7, the wait time for cremains has gone from a couple of days to two or three weeks, with mortuaries serving as holding spaces.

Tension, frustration, anxiety

“Funerals are part of the healing process and our human story,” he said. “And yet, never in 30 years have I heard the tension, frustration and anxiety in funeral directors’ voices as I have now. It’s truly a war-like environment, and funeral directors are striving to be as professional as they’ve always been. My fear is they’re too busy to recognize the stress they’re dealing with.”

Even with the limited choices that funeral directors can offer, it’s important that families continue to pay tribute to loved ones immediately following death, said Catharine Randazzo, a life coach and retired psychologist from Califon.

“What occurs during the first three days after a person’s passing is crucial to the loved ones’ ability to move from shock to acceptance,” she said. “Many of our funeral traditions have been taken away during the pandemic — and for good reason — but without doing something, I’m concerned some people will slip into unhealthy habits, such as excessive drinking.” Doing “something” could mean accepting the virtual options now and planning for memorial services later, as many are doing not only with funerals, but with weddings and graduations.

Randazzo also recommends grieving families ask for support and be willing to receive it. “If you’re a friend, say ‘Tell me how I can help,’ and if you’re the bereaved, say ‘This is what I need.’ If you can’t specify what the need is, don’t worry. Your friends and family will figure it out. If a neighbor leaves a casserole on your porch, take it; if relatives offer to virtually babysit your children by Zoom so you can grieve privately, let them. Most of all, let your loved ones hear your anguish and allow them to comfort you.”

Helping children to grieve

Joseph M. Primo is CEO of Good Grief, a New Jersey-based nonprofit organization that uses peer support programs, education and advocacy to serve children experiencing the loss of a relative. He agrees that grief — the emotions people experience after a loved one’s death — “won’t be put on hold” during the pandemic, but mourning, the outward expression of grief, is different today. In addition to virtual support groups and other COVID-19 child- and family-specific resources focused on resilience, Good Grief has released a 10-part podcast series, Funerals in a Pandemic: Navigating the New Normal.

“Funerals are more than a service; they’re the commencement of life without the person who died,” said Primo. “And while funerals have changed, children still need rituals as part of their grief experience. These rituals might include decorating a memory box, making a collage, creating a playlist of music that expresses their feelings, lighting candles, acts of service or sharing memories. They can provide a sense of connection with other family members who’ve experienced the loss.” The rituals could happen once or repeatedly over time, as grieving isn’t a “one and done” occurrence, he says.

When grieving children don’t have the tools, such as rituals, that they need to express emotions, they can develop physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches, as well as behavioral issues. “They’re all the result of holding in grief. Children have big thoughts, scary feelings and rich inner lives, and need a safe, nonjudgmental space in which to express them,” says Primo.

Eventually, believes Kelder, funeral homes will again be able to operate and offer services in the ways that are most familiar. Until then, “the uncertainty of knowing when that will happen adds to the complexity of grieving today,” he said.

 

Header: Photo courtesy Historic Harsimus and Jersey City Cemetery’s Facebook page

Information on Gatherings, Fundraisers, and Resources

December 12, 2019/in header, Latest News, News /by Daniel Levin

From the Office of Ward E Councilman James Solomon:

As the city grapples with Tuesday’s events, we want to ensure everyone knows about gatherings, fundraisers, and resources to grieve and giveback together.

Events:

  • Today, 12/12, 7-8pm: The City Council and NJCU organized a candlelight vigil on campus (2039 JFK Blvd).
  • Today, 12/12, 7-9pm: For a less formal gathering, Grace Van Vorst is opening its doors to all for mutual support, processing, and remembrance with food, music, prayer, and togetherness. 7-9 p.m. (39 Erie St.)
  • Tomorrow (Friday), 12/13, 4:30pm: Hudson County Students Demand Action will host a rally / vigil at the City Hall Annex (1 Jackson Square) at 4:30.

Resources:

  1. Go Fund Me for Det. Joseph Seals – https://www.gofundme.com/f/for-det-seals-and-his-family
  2. Go Fund Me for Miguel Douglas Rodriguez – https://www.gofundme.com/f/douglas-rodriguez-victim-of-the-jc-shooting?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet
  3. Go Fund Me for Michael Rumberger: (livery driver murdered on Saturday in Bayonne. The two suspects in the Tuesday shooting are also the suspects in his murder) – https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-me-give-my-dad-the-proper-burial?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=m_pd+share-sheet

Support:

  • If you would like a safe, trained counselor to talk to about what you or your children are feeling today, the toll-free national Disaster Distress Helpline provides 24/7 toll-free crisis counseling in multiple languages and Deaf/hard-of-hearing relay services at 800–985–5990 (for Spanish, press 2) or by texting ‘TalkWithUs’ or ‘Hablanos’ to 66746.
  • Some resources on talking to loved ones and taking care of yourself as we move through this together: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/disaster-distress-helpline/disaster-types/mass-violence

News Briefs

Hudson County Community College has been named the recipient of a one-year, $850,000 investment from the JPMorgan Chase. The investment will be utilized for a program the College developed to address the challenges of the economic crisis in Hudson County that were brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic. The program is designed to provide lasting improvement in the County’s workforce ecosystem.

Mayor Steven Fulop and the Jersey City Economic Development Corporation (JCEDC) have launched the latest round of emergency funding to provide over $2.5 million in direct aid and support to Jersey City’s neediest residents, regardless of immigration status. The city will partner with  York Street, Women Rising, United Way, and Puertorriqueños Asociados for Community Organization (PACO). 

Darius Evans, age 45, of Jersey City was arrested  on Monday by The Hudson County Prosecutor’s Office in connection with the stabbing death of 39-year-old Tyrone Haskins early New Year’s morning. The charges include Murder and two counts of Possession of a Weapon for Unlawful Purposes.

Mayor Steven Fulop is joining forces with Uber to announce a new agreement that will expand residents’ access to COVID-19 vaccinations with free Uber rides to and from Jersey City vaccination sites. Phase 1B includes essential frontline workers and seniors 75 years old and over.

According to a report in the Jersey Journal, Jersey City received its first shipment of COVID-19 vaccines Monday and plans to begin vaccinating eligible residents later this week at the Mary McLeod Bethune Center.

The federal Paycheck Protection Program, which offers businesses loans that can be forgivable, reopened on January 11th. The revised program focuses first on underserved borrowers – minority- and women-owned businesses.

Jersey Art Exchange (JAX) has merged with Art House Productions effective January 2021 to help improve and expand arts education and opportunities for the Jersey City community. JAX Founder Jacqueline Arias will remain Director of the program at Art House.

Christmas trees will be collected citywide every Wednesday night throughout the month of January. Pickup resumes this Wednesday January 13th.

Keep abreast of Jersey City Covid-19 statistics here.

Governor Murphy has launched a “Covid Transparency Website” where New Jerseyans can track state expenditures related to Covid.  Go here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Upcoming Events

Tue 19

Curators Choice 2020 Virtual Exhibition

October 1, 2020 - February 1, 2021
Tue 19

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January LSP History Programs: The Historic Trilogy

January 20 @ 1:30 pm - 3:00 pm
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Tue 26

January LSP History Programs: History of the CRRNJ Terminal

January 26 @ 1:30 pm - 2:30 pm
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Wed 27

Jersey City Municipal Council Meeting

January 27 @ 6:00 pm - 10:00 pm
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